Endless Moments

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“I can feel his hands on my thighs,
His lips drawing constellations in my neck,
His heartbeat against my chest,
How our mouths always found each other,
And his eyes as bright as fireflies every time,
I told him that I loved him,
I couldn’t control my body from being close to him,
When he was near,
Everything inside of me felt it,
Magical how I almost collapsed,
Every time he touched,
But I fear,
I fear that I won’t be willing,
To give this love to someone else ever again”

I wish I didn’t feel so much.
Sometimes, I wish I didn’t feel anything at all.

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Confusion: My Worth

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“I questioned my worth again,
I felt worthless and undeserving,
I found myself wondering whether anyone could possibly love me,
I mean, who would want to love me,
Someone damaged, with a broken heart, and spirit,
Someone whose heart hung from her sleeve,
Who couldn’t breathe whenever someone got too close,
Who reeked of insecurities and self-doubt,
Tell me, who could ever love someone like me?”

I promised myself that I would never allow anyone to make me feel like nothing again.
But he did, because he held my heart in the centre of his hand.
He was my world, but I…
Oh I was only his entertainment until someone better came along.

Realization : My Kind Of Love

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“The way I love is different,
It is endless, irrevocable, deep,
When I love; you have all of me,
No questions asked,
I would go to war for you,
And return with victory,
I haven’t had any formal training,
But when I love, I am your warrior,
You are my strength and my weakness,
You have the power to destroy me
And you did”

The ends of the world isn’t nearly as close to what I would have done for you. 
I would have gone to war for you.
But you…
You didn’t think I was worth fighting for.

The Beginning : Pain

“It felt like my Creator deserted me,
I cried out to him for help continuously,
I was in a great deal of pain because of you,
I didn’t anticipate that I would have fallen so deeply for you,
You weren’t part of my plan,
I wasn’t supposed to love you like this,
My heart felt heavier than it’s ever been,
I didn’t recognize myself,
My eyes were bloodshot and my eyelids swollen,
I went to sleep with soaked pillows,
And I woke up to the pain again,
I cried out to my Creator,
“Please God, please rip him out of my memory!”
I needed the pain to end”

He made falling in love with him easy and all the other times, that I thought was love, wasn’t.
I swear his arms, his scent and his mouth felt and tasted like home.
I never knew what love was until I met you.

Confessions Of A Hopeless Romantic

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Fear

As a woman, a hopeless romantic and a dreamer I fear that I will question my worth again. I fear that I will lose myself and that I will forget who I was before I fell in love. I fear disappointment, pillows drenched in tears, puffy eyes, a heavy heart and sleepless nights; wondering whether I am good enough. I fear that my relationship will be just as traumatizing as the last and I fear that I might not be able to glue my pieces back together once more. I fear that the love I have to give will amount to nothingness and that my heart  will end up in ruins. And as much as I desire love; I also fear it.

Social Media

There will always be someone who is more attractive and who has more to offer. I do believe that social media has made resisting temptation a lot harder and I also believe that it’s made finding love harder too. 

But can we really blame social media for our relationships that fail? Have we forgotten that we too have been taught right from wrong? If you took away the physical attributes of the person you desire to be with, what would they have to offer? Would you still want to be with them if they didn’t look the way they do?

Self Love

I believe it’s important to love yourself. In order to give yourself to somebody; you need to be right from the inside. I think that the problem with this generation is that they haven’t mastered loving themselves and they are not open to learning either. I think that’s why it’s difficult for some people to love and be loved. 

Broken Pieces

It took me a long time to find myself again. It was like counting the grains of sand on the beach. I spent a lot of time putting back pieces that I never broke and with every memory came pain. I wished I could have forgotten the ones who hurt me and without trying to sound cliché, those people made me stronger. I know my worth now and I won’t settle for anything less than what I know I deserve.

New Love

As much as I want to be loved; I fear love. Apparently inflicting emotional pain upon your significant other, indecisiveness, cheating and dishonesty is the new love.

And I do not want it. 

I do not want to be part of it.

I am worth more than that and so are you.

Dear Heart

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Dear Heart,

I’ll never understand you, although I don’t quite understand myself most times. You hang from my sleeve so graciously and you welcome anyone who seeks a fraction of your love.

Dear Heart,

I wonder what you look like. I think about  the colours and shapes of your scars. I wonder how you are still beating. I hope you don’t stop until you’ve received the love you unselfishly share with the world.

Dear Heart,

I don’t blame you for believing their lies. I was fooled too and we were both left broken. They make their words seem so promising, but now at least we both know not to trust words, but rather actions.

Dear Heart,

I don’t blame you for not wanting to trust again. You never know what people’s true intentions are with you anymore and that scares me. I remember the way he made you beat and I remember the way he made me feel in other places. But all he had to offer was broken promises and two post cards.

Dear Heart,

If I could give you anything it would be the gift of healing. You have been good to me, for you have taught me how to love myself when I thought I was incapable of being loved. The greatest gift you bestowed upon me was self love. There is nothing more beautiful than that.

Dear Heart,

I remember him and I know you remember him too. We both agreed that he was the one we’ve been hoping to find. But he didn’t want you. He wanted everything else my body had to offer, but he didn’t want you. 

Dear Heart,

I know that you’ve been let down and because being a hopeless romantic pumps through my blood, we never give up on love. We keep giving people chances who really don’t deserve them. We are labeled crazy, because we still have faith in people, but all we hope to find is someone that will appreciate us.

Dear Heart,

You are worthy of receiving love. I’ve felt unworthy too, until I realized that if someone can’t see the beauty and quality that we posses; they truly don’t deserve us. Continue to forgive, grow and love in the way that you do. Love is a part of who we are and that cannot be taken away. 

Judgement Day

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I look into the mirror and what do I see? Is the person staring back smiling at me? 

Is my soul happy with where I’m at in life? Or am I still battling with things deep inside?

Am I still focused on the opinions of others? But was I really placed on earth to please another?

Do I have love for the person that I am? Or am I waiting on love to define who I am? 

If I crack open my heart what would there be? Would there be lessons or regrets lurking at me?

Am I truly satisfied with the person I’ve become? Or should I continue working on becoming that someone?

Am I living right with others and more importantly me? Cause when I stand before God I’ll be the one answering him.