Intangibles

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I’m lost in a sea of romance and honestly; I don’t want to be found.

”You’ll drown out there Juliet” they scream and I ignore their warnings.

I step into the ocean until it covers my feet, my legs, my waist, my arms and now, finally; I’m floating above the waters.

The high tide kicks in and although I have never been a good swimmer; the feeling is enticing.

”You’ll die out there Juliet!”

”Are you willing to die for love?!”

”Intangibles” I say as I  lift my head from the ocean and flash them a smile.

”I know these men will never love me, but I, I was made to love.”

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A Beautiful Mind

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There’s something about a man,

With a beautiful mind,

That makes me smile sheepishly.

I think about what the bed sheets would say,

At what I would do to him,

If I got the chance to get him alone.

Or what the walls would do,

If they only knew,

How pushed up against them I’d like to be.

As if his lips tracing my body,

Just wasn’t enough.

As if his hands mimicking my movements,

Just wasn’t enough,

To make me fall lustfully in love.

But there’s something about a man,

With a beautiful mind,

That ignites a fire deep in my soul,

And turns me into a starving vixen,

Wanting to feel every part of him,

And then randomly thinking about him,

And what we did,

And how it felt,

The very next day.

As if wildly kissing him,

Just wasn’t enough,

As if our tongues intertwined,

Would make me forget,

Just how crazy,

A man with a beautiful mind drives me.

As if seeing into his soul,

Just wasn’t enough.

As if falling in love,

Real.. irrevocable.. undeniable.. beautiful.. love,

Would finally be enough,

For me to share this part of me,

With a man who possesses a beautiful mind. 

Dirty Little Secret

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I was pressed beneath pure, white sheets

And all I could hear was his heart beating.

His hands were feeling up my thighs,

While I stared back into his pitch, black eyes.

His lips were finally touching mine,

And we were about to commit the sweetest crime.

My body went spiraling into a high,

As I dug my nails in close to his spine.

I bit onto his bottom lip,

And around my waist his hands were gripped.

I looked at the wine glasses on the floor,

He only touched me; I am still pure.

But he doesn’t want them my face to see,

But I am a butterfly and I should be free.

Just because you’ve touched my skin,

Does not mean that you own my wings.

My name he refuses to speak near them,

And refers to me as his nameless friend.

Beautiful minds might be my weakness,

But still I will remain his dirty little secret. 

The Lesson

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I cannot remember what it feels like to be me; but I know that I existed.

I was once a girl who carried an endless amount of love that overflowed out of her heart.

I cannot remember how or why you did it; only that you hurt me; really badly.

My smile was once a lighthouse to broken hearts, but since my grin has been pushing people away who doesn’t really deserve it.

I spent too much time allowing vultures to feed on the love that I had to offer.

I choose to let the memories be just what they are.

And I choose to appreciate the lesson.

Forgiveness

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One moment, I was laced in honey.

The next, I was drenched in bitterness.

No amount of sugar could have relieved the bitter taste.

So, I searched; for a long time; for a remedy to sweeten the anger.

The resentment I had, filled my veins with vengeance.

”this is not who I am” I whispered to myself

”..and I won’t fight fire with fire.” I proclaimed as I battled with my heart and my head.

All I had to show for my suffering was a bruised heart that was covered with purple, blue and red scars.

Until I finally realized that……

Forgiveness is the answer to alleviating the anger that I have been feeling”

And it was the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. 

Winter Is Coming

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It’s a week night and I am in the heart of cape town. The sky is black and the air is cold.

It’s a sign that winter is coming.

As we approach a familiar setting, a cold shiver tinkles down my spine and the cold air isn’t to blame for it.

I sit down at the wooden table and I grind my nails into the wood as I stare at the building across the road.

It’s still as beautiful as I remember and it reminds me of those little blue and white Greek houses from a movie.

There is a familiar smell in the atmosphere. It smells like hope or maybe it’s just the smell of mint & strawberries.

I inhale deeply and for a moment I am within and without and as I exhale; the smoke clouds the faces around me.

The wine glass stains the oak table with a pink liquid and my favourite purple lipstick imprints the straw.

Everything feels exactly the same, but there is one undeniably, noticeable difference.

I am smiling.

I’ve only known these people for 5 days and I feel more me around them than I have ever been.

It’s evident that time is not a factor when it comes to being able to be yourself around genuine people. 

New Generation

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They say we have no morals,

They say we deserve no praise,

But have they forgotten by who we were actually raised?

They say they were the last,

They say they are one of a kind,

But the ones who are in power are the ones who poisoned our minds.

They look down on us,

They speak only words that hurt,

But they are the ones who are pressing our generation down into the dirt.

They say we have no respect,

They say we are easily bought,

But who do we look up to when nothing good to us is being taught.

They say we are no good,

They say that we are fools,

But where are the people that we can actually look up to?

They destroyed the whip at school,

They took away the rod at home,

And it was replaced with the latest, trending, new cellphone.

Maybe if we stopped judging.

We will wake up and see,

That we are all connected,

We are a beautiful diversity.

The Beauty Within

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It is not about your body and the way that it is shaped,

For you can love your body and still the person within you hate.

It is not about material things or the latest fashion trends,

For you can have them all and not have any real friends.

Does beauty make a person or have we lost our sight,

Do we look at the external or if the heart shines out a light?

You cannot love another if you don’t love yourself,

In order to love another you have to love yourself.

Maybe relationships are failing because we can’t truly see,

What we should be looking for when we claim in love to be.

Are you truly happy when you part your lips to smile,

Or is the person inside you still living in denial?

Because you deserve to be happy whether you believe it or not,

Wear your smile with confidence even if it’s all you got.

Hell Hath No Fury

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I’m grateful to you cause you proved to be,

Exactly who and what I thought you would be.

My appreciation to you on the real though,

Who made me feel like I was worth nothing though.

But that doesn’t make it easier fuck,

I honestly do wish you the best of luck.

I ain’t bitter rather disappointed you see,

I know now you were never meant for me.

You made me feel like I was a mad woman,

When you were out entertaining other woman.

I had many losses homie you aren’t the first,

To leave me fucked up, down and in the dirt.

You don’t understand I shrunk for you homie,

Made me believe I wasn’t worth shit homie.

When women fucked you over and you did the same to me,

But I didn’t deserve all of your hatred towards me.

I see you moved on and you happy now,

I’m happy for you too, but remove that crown.

You are no king and you will never be,

I hope she doesn’t do to you what you did to me.

I honestly do believe in karma though,

When it comes around it comes back worse though.

Some of my girls say what you did was emotional abuse,

They can’t believe what I endured and went through.

I know I should have left but my dumbass stayed,

In the hope that you’d fall in love with me one day.

You weren’t used to women so you chased after girls,

Congratulations on finding your next cheap thrill.

I won’t sweat homie you will fuck yourself,

And I won’t do a thing you’ll do it all by yourself.

 

To: Who I Thought Was My Sun & My Stars

I over analyzed every word, every sentence, every action and every emotion. I was suffocating in maybes. Maybe I should have said this, or done that or just ignored the fact that you treated me like a doormat. Maybe if I stripped away parts of who I was or shrunk just a little bit more you would have loved me and stopped fooling every girl into thinking she was special to you. But I realized that I would have never been enough for someone like you. And when I say like you, I mean broken. And when I say broken, I mean damaged. And when I say damaged, I mean incapable of loving anyone, but yourself. I used to lay awake and wonder whose lips were touching yours, or whose hand you were holding, or whose breath was in your neck. At first, the thought alone broke me, but now it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Now, the loathing I had towards you has turned into disgust and the love I felt has turned into pity. And although I still wish you luck –  you’re just a boy who didn’t deserve my love and that’s all you’ll ever be.