Bitter Sweet

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Knowing you was bitter sweet.

You were my poison.

You were my honey.

You were everything I never needed, but wanted.

What we shared wasn’t love.

You don’t break what you claim to love.

You spoke lies fluently.

I would have appreciated being broken with the truth.

Damn, it hurts to know that you only showed your face when you needed to take another piece of me.

But I’ve decided that’s okay, because my mother told me that things like love should come freely.

I gathered glue & colorful glitter sticks trying to piece myself back together.

I should have just put on my running shoes & never looked back the first time you made me feel like less of a woman.

I guess that I could have left & that me staying says a lot about me.

I punished myself by staying in a union that I knew was toxic.

But I guess that you attacking my heart says lot about you too.

I wasn’t any less of a woman.

You needed to be more of a man.

 

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The Queen In Me

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I wanted to break you with my words.

I wanted you to feel the way I did when you said:

‘’She’s nobody’’

I remember the night I almost buried my head in the sand.

‘’I missed you!’’ I exclaimed as I threw my hands around your neck with no intention of letting you go.

You loosened my grip and turned your face at my cherry coated lips.

‘’People can see’’ you said & stepped inches away from me; as if I was some kind of vulture unworthy of being seen with you.

I hid the embarrassment and disappointment that stained my face.

I sat down on the bench behind us and twiddled my fingers, thinking of a way to tell you how I felt, but nothing I could have said would have made a way to creep within your stone cold heart.

I wondered how you could have rejected all of the love that I wanted to share with you.

I realized that you didn’t love yourself, although I loved you enough for the both of us.

My love would not have let you down.

My heart would not have let you go.

My smile would have been forever yours.

You made me lose myself.

I went astray trying to recollect the old me.

I’m just sorry I missed all the kings in the time I wandered from my castle.

I’m just sorry you missed the love in me.

I’m just sorry you never got to experience real love inside of yourself.

I’m just sorry you missed the queen in me.

But most of all I’m just sorry I never recognized the queen within me sooner.

A Fantasy

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He kisses me gently as we lay beneath the old oak tree. I am hoping that he doesn’t notice that I’m a million miles away.

”You’re distant” he sighs as he pulls his lips away from mine.

”I’m right beside you, silly” I joke & I nudge him with my shoulder.

”That’s not what I meant Juliet – not in the slightest” & he stares into the starry sky.

”This is not what I anticipated….” I say as I run my fingers through my hair.

”every time someone gets too close….” I can’t even finish what I was about to say.

”…I just don’t want to be a part of another love story that comes to an end.”

The waves behind us breaks the silence.

”Ours won’t” he says as he holds onto my hand.

”I promise.”

Broken Melody

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My lips refuse to speak of love, but I’ve learnt to love the people who sneakingly creep under my skin. You were one those people. I imagine that you’re right in front of me listening to my heart speak.

I hope that you find yourself & in finding yourself, I hope you find peace & in finding peace, I hope you find love; within yourself. You deserve this journey. I dare you to show me the places that the woman before me never had the privilege of touching & watch me put my hands all over it. Allow me to trace each one of your scars with my mouth & I promise it will heal right before your eyes. You are most beautiful. Your heart shines just like the stars on a pitch-black night.

Always hold onto the parts of you that make you who you are. You are never too much. You have always been enough. I hope that you don’t only feel worthy, but that you believe that you are too. Because you are. I wish upon your life growth & if ever I should see you again I hope I get to wander through your garden. Don’t leave that beautiful part of you behind. I appreciate your presence even though my heart refuses for me to show it.

I reach to hold you as if you are really beside me; listening to me speak, but this is only a silent melody composed of broken words & vulnerability.

Intangibles

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I’m lost in a sea of romance and honestly; I don’t want to be found.

”You’ll drown out there Juliet” they scream and I ignore their warnings.

I step into the ocean until it covers my feet, my legs, my waist, my arms and now, finally; I’m floating above the waters.

The high tide kicks in and although I have never been a good swimmer; the feeling is enticing.

”You’ll die out there Juliet!”

”Are you willing to die for love?!”

”Intangibles” I say as I  lift my head from the ocean and flash them a smile.

”I know these men will never love me, but I, I was made to love.”

A Beautiful Mind

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There’s something about a man,

With a beautiful mind,

That makes me smile sheepishly.

I think about what the bed sheets would say,

At what I would do to him,

If I got the chance to get him alone.

Or what the walls would do,

If they only knew,

How pushed up against them I’d like to be.

As if his lips tracing my body,

Just wasn’t enough.

As if his hands mimicking my movements,

Just wasn’t enough,

To make me fall lustfully in love.

But there’s something about a man,

With a beautiful mind,

That ignites a fire deep in my soul,

And turns me into a starving vixen,

Wanting to feel every part of him,

And then randomly thinking about him,

And what we did,

And how it felt,

The very next day.

As if wildly kissing him,

Just wasn’t enough,

As if our tongues intertwined,

Would make me forget,

Just how crazy,

A man with a beautiful mind drives me.

As if seeing into his soul,

Just wasn’t enough.

As if falling in love,

Real.. irrevocable.. undeniable.. beautiful.. love,

Would finally be enough,

For me to share this part of me,

With a man who possesses a beautiful mind. 

Dirty Little Secret

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I was pressed beneath pure, white sheets

And all I could hear was his heart beating.

His hands were feeling up my thighs,

While I stared back into his pitch, black eyes.

His lips were finally touching mine,

And we were about to commit the sweetest crime.

My body went spiraling into a high,

As I dug my nails in close to his spine.

I bit onto his bottom lip,

And around my waist his hands were gripped.

I looked at the wine glasses on the floor,

He only touched me; I am still pure.

But he doesn’t want them my face to see,

But I am a butterfly and I should be free.

Just because you’ve touched my skin,

Does not mean that you own my wings.

My name he refuses to speak near them,

And refers to me as his nameless friend.

Beautiful minds might be my weakness,

But still I will remain his dirty little secret. 

The Lesson

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I cannot remember what it feels like to be me; but I know that I existed.

I was once a girl who carried an endless amount of love that overflowed out of her heart.

I cannot remember how or why you did it; only that you hurt me; really badly.

My smile was once a lighthouse to broken hearts, but since my grin has been pushing people away who doesn’t really deserve it.

I spent too much time allowing vultures to feed on the love that I had to offer.

I choose to let the memories be just what they are.

And I choose to appreciate the lesson.

Winter Is Coming

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It’s a week night and I am in the heart of cape town. The sky is black and the air is cold.

It’s a sign that winter is coming.

As we approach a familiar setting, a cold shiver tinkles down my spine and the cold air isn’t to blame for it.

I sit down at the wooden table and I grind my nails into the wood as I stare at the building across the road.

It’s still as beautiful as I remember and it reminds me of those little blue and white Greek houses from a movie.

There is a familiar smell in the atmosphere. It smells like hope or maybe it’s just the smell of mint & strawberries.

I inhale deeply and for a moment I am within and without and as I exhale; the smoke clouds the faces around me.

The wine glass stains the oak table with a pink liquid and my favourite purple lipstick imprints the straw.

Everything feels exactly the same, but there is one undeniably, noticeable difference.

I am smiling.

I’ve only known these people for 5 days and I feel more me around them than I have ever been.

It’s evident that time is not a factor when it comes to being able to be yourself around genuine people. 

New Generation

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They say we have no morals,

They say we deserve no praise,

But have they forgotten by who we were actually raised?

They say they were the last,

They say they are one of a kind,

But the ones who are in power are the ones who poisoned our minds.

They look down on us,

They speak only words that hurt,

But they are the ones who are pressing our generation down into the dirt.

They say we have no respect,

They say we are easily bought,

But who do we look up to when nothing good to us is being taught.

They say we are no good,

They say that we are fools,

But where are the people that we can actually look up to?

They destroyed the whip at school,

They took away the rod at home,

And it was replaced with the latest, trending, new cellphone.

Maybe if we stopped judging.

We will wake up and see,

That we are all connected,

We are a beautiful diversity.