Confessions Of A Hopeless Romantic

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Fear

As a woman, a hopeless romantic and a dreamer I fear that I will question my worth again. I fear that I will lose myself and that I will forget who I was before I fell in love. I fear disappointment, pillows drenched in tears, puffy eyes, a heavy heart and sleepless nights; wondering whether I am good enough. I fear that my relationship will be just as traumatizing as the last and I fear that I might not be able to glue my pieces back together once more. I fear that the love I have to give will amount to nothingness and that my heart  will end up in ruins. And as much as I desire love; I also fear it.

Social Media

There will always be someone who is more attractive and who has more to offer. I do believe that social media has made resisting temptation a lot harder and I also believe that it’s made finding love harder too. 

But can we really blame social media for our relationships that fail? Have we forgotten that we too have been taught right from wrong? If you took away the physical attributes of the person you desire to be with, what would they have to offer? Would you still want to be with them if they didn’t look the way they do?

Self Love

I believe it’s important to love yourself. In order to give yourself to somebody; you need to be right from the inside. I think that the problem with this generation is that they haven’t mastered loving themselves and they are not open to learning either. I think that’s why it’s difficult for some people to love and be loved. 

Broken Pieces

It took me a long time to find myself again. It was like counting the grains of sand on the beach. I spent a lot of time putting back pieces that I never broke and with every memory came pain. I wished I could have forgotten the ones who hurt me and without trying to sound cliché, those people made me stronger. I know my worth now and I won’t settle for anything less than what I know I deserve.

New Love

As much as I want to be loved; I fear love. Apparently inflicting emotional pain upon your significant other, indecisiveness, cheating and dishonesty is the new love.

And I do not want it. 

I do not want to be part of it.

I am worth more than that and so are you.

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Dear Heart

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Dear Heart,

I’ll never understand you, although I don’t quite understand myself most times. You hang from my sleeve so graciously and you welcome anyone who seeks a fraction of your love.

Dear Heart,

I wonder what you look like. I think about  the colours and shapes of your scars. I wonder how you are still beating. I hope you don’t stop until you’ve received the love you unselfishly share with the world.

Dear Heart,

I don’t blame you for believing their lies. I was fooled too and we were both left broken. They make their words seem so promising, but now at least we both know not to trust words, but rather actions.

Dear Heart,

I don’t blame you for not wanting to trust again. You never know what people’s true intentions are with you anymore and that scares me. I remember the way he made you beat and I remember the way he made me feel in other places. But all he had to offer was broken promises and two post cards.

Dear Heart,

If I could give you anything it would be the gift of healing. You have been good to me, for you have taught me how to love myself when I thought I was incapable of being loved. The greatest gift you bestowed upon me was self love. There is nothing more beautiful than that.

Dear Heart,

I remember him and I know you remember him too. We both agreed that he was the one we’ve been hoping to find. But he didn’t want you. He wanted everything else my body had to offer, but he didn’t want you. 

Dear Heart,

I know that you’ve been let down and because being a hopeless romantic pumps through my blood, we never give up on love. We keep giving people chances who really don’t deserve them. We are labeled crazy, because we still have faith in people, but all we hope to find is someone that will appreciate us.

Dear Heart,

You are worthy of receiving love. I’ve felt unworthy too, until I realized that if someone can’t see the beauty and quality that we posses; they truly don’t deserve us. Continue to forgive, grow and love in the way that you do. Love is a part of who we are and that cannot be taken away. 

Judgement Day

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I look into the mirror and what do I see? Is the person staring back smiling at me? 

Is my soul happy with where I’m at in life? Or am I still battling with things deep inside?

Am I still focused on the opinions of others? But was I really placed on earth to please another?

Do I have love for the person that I am? Or am I waiting on love to define who I am? 

If I crack open my heart what would there be? Would there be lessons or regrets lurking at me?

Am I truly satisfied with the person I’ve become? Or should I continue working on becoming that someone?

Am I living right with others and more importantly me? Cause when I stand before God I’ll be the one answering him.

The Warrior

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Imagine having your head bashed in at 10 years old and throwing the memory into your stories untold. 

How would you feel if that was you being abused? Now tell me whose afraid of the big bad wolf?

Late night running into the darkness of the night, but still too young to try and put up a fight. 

And the street became her home for a little while. Living like an adult when she was just a child. 

Now can you imagine the pain in that little girls heart? Hoping that somehow her life could restart. 

All she had was prayer while begging God “please!” “take away all of this suffering from me.” 

But I’m so proud of her and I hope she knows. She didn’t go down the road that they thought she would go. 

Because seeing him hanging was a great horror, but that pained little girl turned into a warrior.

Snake Friends 

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You see I’m practicing self love now. A few months back I was so close to a melt down. 

But I finally saw the light. I rose above like a star during the night.

I always want to believe in people. I always find myself looking for the good in people. 

They whisper about your success and they broadcast your demise. I weighed my options and I had to cut my ties.

That’s just the way life goes. What doesn’t flow, doesn’t flow. 

They whither among us on a daily. They have no shame acting outright shady.

I got stabbed in my arm a few years back. But I swear it hurt more when a friend back stabbed. 

And that’s why my circle is small. I was surrounded by people who wanted to see me fall. 

They set up these traps and hope you stumble upon it. If anything I swear that I’ve learned from it. 

I’m still that girl with a big strong heart, but nothing hurts more than snake friends in the grass.

Slaves To Power

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I know of a place that was once filled with dreams. A natural, born leader who set them all free. 

But he has died and so has his hopes. Imprisoned he wasted his time and it shows.  

It seems like past leaders have died in vain. I don’t see anyone rising up again. 

It breaks my heart that humanity has died. And how many minds have been installed with lies. 

What are we leaving for our generations to come? A world that’s broken and run by the gun?

Are we so filled with fear that we’ve glued our mouths shut? Speak up warriors haven’t you had enough? 

It seems we are slaves to those in power. The need for change has become louder.

Could it be there’s no proper leader to follow? That we’ve given up on a brighter tomorrow?

The real enemy is not diversity.

But what those in power want us to believe.